Officially home...

It's been a while... There have been so many changes that I had to take time and swallow everything, try to understand or get accustomed to the new ME. I am officially waiting for my babies to come to the light, in simple words, on the maternity leave. It has a been some time since I had such a long break and one thing I realized: I will never be a housewife! I just can't! I have to admit I miss my working place, my students, I miss teaching already... 'Cause I said before I don't imagine myself doing anything else but teaching.
But now it's different, now I am in a different stage of my life and, as all mothers say, I am in the happiest stage of my life. And I do have dreams and I also have nightmares: "what if" is the common question for my nights. I tried picturing myself in the hospital theater, thinking how I will hear the doctors speaking about the pregnancy , about me, discussing what they see (????!!!!!), me, half-asleep there listening, not replying... then I try to picture them (what will they look like, will they be safe and sound?), then me in bed waiting to see if I can move, some strangers surrounding me, washing me, voices, laughter, cries.... this must be the hospital atmosphere... and this is what runs through my mind all these nights.
But the good parts- because there are good parts too- revolve mainly around the free time I haven't had in such a long time and a sort of time-out I was longing for.
It's nice to have time for yourself, to think a bit longer and maybe ask yourself questions...it is a good exercise and it can reveal many unsolved or unanswered issues. There have been a few interesting things I discovered: human nature is a continuous mystery and the more you try to understand some people the faster you will fail in your attempt, because we are that different...there are always things that one's mind cannot understand or accept about his fellow human (there are sometimes miles away and basic differences that cannot help us into understanding), so we have to let go and live without interfering...that's the conclusion I came to.Another thing: friendship is very important, and even if the older we get the more we refuse that noisy partying atmosphere among friends, we all need to know, at least, that we have, out there in the world, some people we can rely on, some people we think love us and trust us and would come for our help when needed. It is true that true friends are so few and so hard to find, but we need to have these few people in our lives...
I started reading a very interesting book Andrei Plesu, Parabolele lui Iisus, I would recommend it to anyone interested in a wonderfully-written analysis of the biblical sayings, a more philosophical approach, far away from the crappy no-name explanations we have been used to lately.
I could also watch (a simple coincidence with the book genre) a wonderful film Beyond the hills. It has everything: drama, love, deep analysis of the soul, simple and professional acting, keeps you present, the sort of image and idea you need to come back to and ask yourself questions, the basic definition of a good film.
I listen to a lot of music...classical, dance, reggae and it makes me happy...
I am planning on working some teaching materials and when I have some good ones I will share them with you.
Until next time, have a good and peaceful life!

A matter of time...

It's amazing how time flies, runs, flows... Or is it just our way of traveling through a still time that has never been different? Today morning I woke up and I realized we have been together for two years, that we have shared the time, the cries, the pains, the happiness for two big years... " And  I  now pronounce you man and wife" that's how everything starts. Then it's up to us the way we make it work and yes, as the old ladies had told me, it ain't easy. But I guess it's the most amazing challenge that a person should face, learning how to share and give away a part of your own existence... The second one is, of course, holding your babies and sharing more from who you are, changing streams if necessary, because, all of a sudden, there is something more important in this whole world than yourself.
At first it seemed so hard to share the space in the same closet, then is seemed hard to clean the table after the meal because they (aka men) would never do that unless they are told, then it seemed hard to see the "other face", the angry face and, even worse, witness your own transformation from the gentle princess into the ugly duck quacking around because things were supposed to be different, then it became even harder to understand the long moments of unexplained silence or the lack of constant attention that you (aka gentle princess) were used to receiving at the beginning. But all these small "adventures" are the signature of a normal, sane marriage, I believe. These are the initiation steps we all need to make on our path to being together as a couple. Then things magically change, because We Change, we graduate and adjust our own existence that has now a totally different contour.
And then a day comes when we celebrate the first, the second, hopefully the 30th year together and I am sure each time we have the nostalgia of our constant learning more and more about who we are. And that is a good thing, because there is no other place we have the right to be ourselves, but our home. There we scream, we laugh, we make love  and we cry, but our home ( the place we live together, no matter how big or small the place might be) is also the most genuine form of human existence. Intimacy is a great word, but I do worship the idea- nothing else should interfere in this inner world of our family- it should stay a private matter that only WE can solve, enjoy and live through.
So I celebrate two years from my existence and I am happy. There have been so many beautiful things happening:
- I met wonderful people
-I have had a good job, I have done exactly what I like most in this world
-I traveled a lot and I gathered precious memories with my friends and colleagues at the same time
- I learned from my mistakes and I hope I became a more experienced person
-I went to my best friends' weddings and I smiled and shared their happiness
- I could hold my friends and shared their sorrows, then again I could feel their own happiness when things got solved
-I was surrounded by love for which I am deeply grateful to God
- I am to be a mother- no words to explain how I feel
- I have a husband I should thank to for patience and love and support
-I had to see some of my friends take different paths, I had to face the change but I also learned that change is good and I am sure they will be happy on their way because I trust their power and their faith.
- I re-discovered my long lost friends and found out how much their lives have changed and how much they are still the ones I knew there deep inside.
So, yes, time flies and there are good moments and bad moments, but I would really love to think about the bright side, the good things, because we have one life, one chance and in our life story we must cling on those facts and people and memories that makes us go on and give us the reason to live.
I guess marriage and life are the simple boats that need a lot of mending but can lead us to the shore, not  the fancy yachts sinking at the first blow.It's a matter of choice and faith.

Waiting...

Who said hope makes the difference? I don't know but it's the only thing I have. So how does it work? Strangely. Why do we always search for answers when we know there are none? Why do we stop, kneel and pray when we know it's the ultimate choice?Why do we need to learn all important things "the hard way", as most say?
I know you all must have had these kind of downs, and I know the greatest pain is your own. But the worst part I have ever lived is waiting..., knowing everything is somewhere, the answers are there (whether we like them or not) and that immediately after getting the answer, you still need to go on living...that's the ugly beauty of life.
Waiting takes a hell of a time and it takes a lot of energy too. So you find yourself living a thousand faces for each and every person you are talking, trying to find strength and meaning for your own way of going on, imagining scenarios of what could and should be after, but the funny part is: you will never know for sure. There are billion of seconds in this waiting that you must fill with daily chores and words and greetings and eating and sleeping. But nothing looks the same.So, yes, I see myself from the outside, I am the watcher of my own living, but I am not there. I try to cope with building up another me (in the worst case scenario), be strong (there are so many definitions for this). Think positive is my favorite line. Well I guess and I hope there is some meaning in this, but it's strangely put when the outcome can be a total disaster. Sounds like Murphy's laws, when you think nothing can go worse, it can.
So I can only type here, blubbering about my own confusion, hoping and maybe watching into the screen as if looking into the only mirror capable of reflecting the entire turmoil shading my image.
I learn how to stand still, waiting... (don't try this at home!)

All that you have is your soul...

Haven't you ever felt that the more you struggle the more difficult it becomes to gain something? How come for some of us everything is damn difficult and for others is so damn easy? Is it luck or fortune? Is is something special that some are born with?

And the worst part is that even if you wrestle with all the problems, the final achievement is never guaranteed. Some say it's all about the fight...life itself seems so be a continuous struggle to become a better person, have better things, live in better conditions. But do we all come across the meaning of all that? Does it have a meaning? I heard many times God is just giving us all the troubles to strengthen us, to make us aware of all the inner power we possess. It might be so, it should be so, still it is too challenging and depressing sometimes, it is some sort of pain we don't want to go through.
I could never cheat at my exams. I just didn't feel it right. My mother taught me that each small achievement has to be done with a moral attitude, because winning something by fake or by cheat is wrong and shameful. Then she told me that if I study hard life will offer me the credit I deserve, that I could have a decent life, win more money and offer my children a better life. Really?! I am wondering every day: do all these shameless bastards with no knowledge, no respect for the elders, for life or for themselves had a moral behavior for all the fortune and fame they show off with every day? Do these bimbo-es smiling with a dumb face and having no other qualities but their naked body had to struggle for their villas and high-life?
Don't get me wrong...I don't really want a luxurious car or a huge house...I want a decent life and, trust me, in Romania is very difficult to have that by hard work and wits.I would love to offer my children the possibility to see some important cities in the world, to buy them quality food, nice toys, nice clothes, good education in a very good school. But even enrolling your child to a good school is a real struggle. There are hours of waiting in front of headmasters offices, start preparing papers 2 years ahead, talk to all the people involved, pay some attention to the cleaning lady ('cause she knows how stuff works in that school) and in the end there is nothing about knowledge...the selection has nothing to do with the child' abilities, vocations or desires. It's just a way of branding a good school by having only rich kids studying there. And we are not even close those famous private schools we find abroad, where there are rich people contributing for the school, but even the school provides the best accommodation, best teachers, best future perspectives. No, here the story is so much different: the more you study the bigger loser you are seen and the less work opportunities you have; the more you inject drugs and spend your rich daddy's money on drinks and women the higher you step on the social ladder.
I can cope with that too, but I would really love to think that all this creepy social and moral situation might change in the future, that we, as society, have a chance.
I heard our president advising young students, freshly finishing their studies to leave the country and find better jobs abroad. And then they ask about patriotism, about wrestling for your own country. Why? What for? I am very much aware that if we stay here and work in our own country, create our own products and buy them we help the national economy,thus providing a better life for ourselves and our children. I also know the change has to start from us, from each of us, by means of educating ourselves into finding resources, life long education and flexibility in the job market. And I am sure most of the people my age do that. Still it has become harder and harder to find or keep a proper and decent job. And that's sad...
I was reading some nice and quite inspiring quotes about wrestling and I have always agreed that "without the pain there is no gain", but how come there can be so much gain without any pain? That's my question. And yes, maybe "the art of living is more like wrestling than dancing" (Marcus Aurelius), but can't we just dream that one day we will be allowed to dance as a celebration of this continuous wrestling?
And to sweeten a bit my bitter tone I am just going to dedicate this wonderful song to all of you who sometimes share my worries:

Music to my ears...

There are things I really like hearing or listening to. There are so many little things that have become "music to my ears".

Yes, as you might have thought, I love listening to music, good music, old music, romantic and passionate rhythm, a mixture of softness and power, the type of sound Mozart has in his works (for example) or, on the other hand, Janis Joplin. But that's just the beginning...
I have discovered I like the sound of water filling the coffee kettle in the morning and the way  the
teaspoon chirps while stirring the 3/4 milk and 1/4 coffee I am now allowed to drink.
I love my mother's voice at the other end of the telephone line (this is as close as I can get to her these days); she can still bring me back to life and give me some confidence when I stop seeing the silver lining of the dark approaching clouds...
I learned I can sometimes even like my hubby's snoring, especially while trying to work on something in the middle of the night :) (it's not his fault I have this damn insomnia).
I love hearing the word baby/ies (this word has a magical effect on my brain: I suddenly think of my own and even if I get a little worried hoping everything would be fine, I still feel some kind of euphoria like I have just come out from a relaxing massage)
I always enjoy listening to good jokes, written ones or those nice moments I share with my friends and colleagues at work; it's nice to be surrounded by people who can come up with great creative ideas or ways of dodging the narrow-minded stream ...
I like listening to funny good news and sometimes some science news; I am interested in the technological innovations, especially because I can't help admiring the creativity of the modern century scientists; those type of news you can actually learn something from.
I fancy eavesdropping strangers in the street, those fragments of lines people let behind like some trails on the beach sand. It's interesting that you become witness to their private unknown life and you would never find out the outcome of their problems or dreams or plans. You can re-create or guess it, but you will never know for sure. That's when I feel embarrassed thinking of my high pitch voice when walking and talking at the same time, sometimes arguing or naming things and people I shouldn't.
I love listening to my friends and I thank God I have a few good friends I can share my life with.
I am sure the no.1 sound is yet to be discovered: I am definitely eager to hear the sound of my babies, their mumbles, their cries, their happiness and pray their voices fill my life...with some meaning...

As a matter of fact...

"Curiosity killed the cat" some say. Others continue "but the cat had seven lives". I have a question:

Is curiosity a sign of wits or it is just a constant annoying ability/quality some people have or would like to possess? I have been watching some TV lately and I noticed people are very much interested in all sorts of facts, the most attractive ones seem to be mysteries (undiscovered or secret facts), then crimes or paranormal activities  (especially because they are hidden and after many years someone is ready to tell the truth). I could also notice the way some TV shows attract more and more audience just by being as dirty, as violent, as mean and as stupid as possible. If those shows have the label of reality show or real life based stories  they break all rating records. And this vicious circle keeps on rolling: the more audience they get, the more they broadcast and that's the way everything goes.
 I do miss interesting stuff on TV. I miss watching an entertainment show without seeing some retarded people invited there, manipulated and made fun of just for the pleasure of others. I miss watching a talk-show     where the participants/politicians do want to send a message, maybe talk about future plans, ideas and solutions and stop coming there just to attack the other with total lack of respect, show their muscles as if by feeling the force (like in Star Wars) the electors will appreciate them and, of course, vote for their brains.I do miss  hearing a piece of advice based on real facts, maybe real researches, not on excessively motivational messages that have, indeed, overrun all other form of knowledge. There is life besides motivational books. I have nothing against those type of messages, they can be quite helpful sometimes. But not in all aspects of life, not in every little situation and not written by semi-educated people who pretend to have great life experience or even possess some special powers.I had the chance to hear a few enlightened orators and I need to admit they couldn't really convince me. And what I hate the most is that these orators just take advantage of the human misery and lack of hope, people's despair in search for some sense and balance in their life. The answers are in the real facts about life, the great books, the great scientists, writers or philosophers who spent their life searching and analyzing all these aspects; they should be the first-hand knowledge base. Let's just think of Chekhov, Einstein, Kant, Homer, Plato and so many others. If you ask me, we should all start reading motivational books only after we would have gone through at least 20 % of these writings.
Anyways I miss quality information on TV. Of course you will all say there is Discovery Channel, History Channel, Nature Channel, Discovery Science and so on. I agree.But the problem is there are still more shows that explore the flaws and misery and need of exceptional that shapes somehow the human nature. And even if there is Internet, books, other means of acquiring information, TV still has the upper hand.
And we come back to curiosity. Can we learn how to use this quality into our benefit? Is there an easy way to learn about amazing facts that are appealing just by the information they consist of? How do we separate spectacular from really useful? That's intriguing.
If we spend some time watching children at play, we will see that,when they are little, they only learn or listen to relevant stories, they are interested in a message, a finality, they need to understand the usage of the presented objects or facts. Why do we stop doing so after some time? Has this world become so twisted? There is still hope, I know people who would still be interested in learning facts and not empty words, but there must be a way to outnumber the ones who prefer the easy way out. But what's the way? This is the question...

A slice of...laughter

I have always enjoyed comedies, intelligent jokes and sometimes black humour.I simply can't imagine life without a good laughing in times of panic or deception, or even better, while sharing quality time among friends. I am not sure if LAUGHTER is a good therapy, a wonderful cure, a means of letting go, but it surely does more good than bad.
It often takes time and courage to share a smile, or use a sincere smile during a fight instead of a sharp word. It might be harder than we imagine at a first glance.I consider it a real struggle between the child inside and the social mask we all put on to be accepted and appreciated. I was often considered childish (not that I really mind people thinking so),  maybe superficial, unable to take on responsibilities, showing too much disponibility, or on the contrary, lacking ability to learn the deeper meanings of life. I need to contradict those who think by laughing or smiling, by showing a happy face we can only be seen as mere "comedians", aimless people or easygoing. I love this quote: " Man is nearly himself  when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play" (Heraclitus). I think it says it all... Secondly, being a professional comedian needs wits, skills, lots of hard work and a huge talent. One of the most beautiful and challenging profession...make people listen to you, accept their flaws and  laugh from the heart...I remember watching Stan and Ollie when I was little and the happiness they brought each time I could see their "fights", then I discovered some wonderful stand up comedy actors and understood a different type of humour. Watching some of the most popular comedians, each with their unique style it's like sitting in a big room where Life broadcasts the every day show. I remember Paul Auster' "Book of Illusions" and how wonderfully black&white comedy bits manage to change the life of the main character, how laughter transforms his deserted soul into a seeker and a fan of the real comedy of life.
But a remarkable film, mainly based on pantomime, a sort of bitter humour can be seen in RUMBA
(the story of a couple very fond of rumba, who need to reinvent their life after a car accident) needs no words. It has got everything, I would even call it a sample of intelligent humorous work of art... Enjoy:

P.S. I would love to hear about your favorite comedy clips or jokes or comedians, maybe even make your own list of names (a top 5 at least).

Babies...in our life

Finally it's high time I spoke about life during pregnancy:) Does life change after all?Definitely, yes!

Let me tell you the basic steps:
Step 1
"What?!OMG! It's real, the 2 red lines! Hmmmm...I need another one just to make sure" then look around, pretend things are normal, go to sleep and...have no sleep, eyes wide open, thinking; a long row of maybes ready to be counted instead of sheep...
Step 2
"Yes, indeed, you are pregnant!" the doctor says "and you have got twins" another set of eyes wide open, things you have never imagined are now simply flooding your life...
Step 3
"Wearing this and doing this and eating this is a MUST, if you really want your babies to be healthy and grow up in perfect harmony"- the advice stage...that's overwhelming, absolutely tiring and sometimes annoying. And less and less people want to hear the doctor's advice,no, they know better, they heard more, they can even teach your doctor how to take care of you. Or there might be a global medical conspiracy ready to hide the truth from you, the hidden truth that only the Wise can properly seek for and unravel it to your tangled inexperienced mind.
Step 4
"I must relax, I need to calm down,I can't act like a fool, I am to be a mother, I am to be a mother, and what exactly does this mean?!" That's when your brain starts showing signs of proper activity,that's when you (and not the others) become interested in what pregnancy means for your body, heart and mind. It's a cool down stage, a sort of coming to terms with all this changes and fuss turmoil, coming back to your self.
It feels good, refreshing, it's, I guess, the time of joy,, pure joy that slowly invades every little piece of you, because now you added something to the person you used to be, you are ready to know more, to feel stronger, to prove better...
Step 5
...the real you resurfaces...and then you start finding out INTERESTING STUFF, reading about anything that might come in handy, even being able to present your experienced advice to those barely reaching step 1...:)
The fact is I have come across an interesting article you should all know about, related to working hours effects on pregnancy. I am a part of that world where having a job is more than a citizen's duty, it's a must (luckily I do have a job I enjoy performing), a mandatory act, a constant struggle for a decent life. So, yes there are less breaks and no fixed schedule, basically a  lot of stress. But working under stress for a long period of time becomes a routine, you don't feel the pressure so much, you might even start liking it (some sort of Stockholm syndrome where Work is the captor). It has become harder and harder for women to decide when to draw the line between work and time for children, both being equally important, the first because nothing can be achieved without material sustainability, the latter, needless to say, the one single reasonable achievement in a person's life. That is why I admire all these women-focused organizations, all the help that is offered to mothers-to-be in finding time for themselves, organizing and planning the working hours, managing to set the balance needed for a healthy life.
Everything changes, some things stay the same, but the most important thing is to surround yourselves with the right people, get the help and love you need, drop all unnecessary litter and enjoy every second of this new life. It's definitely worth it!

Due to placing myself at the middle of the stages I was talking about in the above, I need to come back with further information  and finish the pregnancy steps.
See you soon, 

Problems...sleeping?

Are you proud of your sleeping habits?Do you manage to sleep 8 hours a night? Do you like falling asleep with the aid of TV?Do you fall asleep right on the keyboard...and wake up on the sofa? These are just a few questions that we could ask related to the way sleep can affect the efficiency of our daily life.
I am not at all a role-model in terms of sleeping for anyone and I could call myself a night bird, a TV addicted (especially before sleeping), a constant seeker for those hours of perfect and sane sleep.
I can't remember the best sleep I have ever had, but I do remember the struggle...
Ever since I was a child, there were nights I had to stand up from the bed and find something to do just to ease my body aches due to lack of proper sleep. Now that I am a grown-up I sometimes do the same.Well I can't actually complain, some of these nights were perfect for a piece of writing (a short-story, maybe a poem), I even managed to finish my University diploma working at nights. But I guess the moment I considered lack of sleep a card up my sleeve was when I got hired for my present job. The question was: "Are you willing to work in the evenings, sometimes up to 9, 9:30 pm?".No need to cite my answer, you might have already guessed the excitement. That's when I start living...
Even if I should be grateful to my body for staying alive and functioning well after these night adventures, I am scared to think of the long-term effects. Just the other day, I came across some interesting facts related to sleep problems or explanations for these anomalies and I can now consider the site a great SLEEP RESOURCE for those of you in search of answers. Let me give just a few hints, and start with a famous phrase:
Did you know that..
-beauty treatments have a greater effect if you sleep for 7-8 hours a night, or that proper sleep helps your heart and make you live longer?
-by giving the body proper rest you actually keep the pounds from adding on your tights?
-tests have been developed to measure the sleep eficiency and that the efficiency ratio is an important tool for doctors when diagnosing the pacient sleep disorder?
-there are sleep disorders (such as sleep apnea,insomnia or poor sleep hygiene) we might have without even knowing?
-nowadays we can purchase fire-retardant sleepware for kids; clothes that can limit the spread of fire if there is one?
-depression can also be linked to sleep disorders or changes in sleeping patterns?
The bottom line is that most of us neglect this aspect of daily life, especially teenagers who prove their worth by the non-sleep hours spent playing games or chatting on the Internet.
"Tell me how you sleep...and I will tell you who you are" could become as relevant as its more famous counterpart.
Wishing you a sound sleep...

Dialogue with... paintings

I was having a walk downtown when I simply overheard a conversation between a little girl and her father:
" What is there in this building, daddy?" the girl innocently asked. " An art museum" the reply came. After a few seconds the girl continued :" What is an art museum?". " It is the house of painters, it is a place where we go when we want to see famous artists and their paintings" the response came, but before the father could finish, she asked " Why should we go and see the paintings?"...When I turned my face towards the little girl I could see her father grabbing her hand, taking a few steps away from the building and saying "Look! There is an ice cream stand over there! Let's go and have some, shall we?"...
"A great question asked" I immediately thought, smiling at the father's reaction. Then it got me thinking: what would my response be. I actually realized this question would fit the entire attitude of the 21st century average person towards the artistic pursuits, towards the value and time spent on contemplating the best artists of all times. There are so many names and so many paintings ready to speak to us, ready to initiate those types of inner dialogues between the human soul and the unknown or unthinkable of the outer world... these encounters are the ones we stopped having or we simply have less and less because of the rush for material gatherings, for a safer and better life, for a long-term job or for a house that could/should become ours. "Who's got the time for all these when one should have three jobs to pay one's bills?!" would be a pertinent question.
Nevertheless these artistic encounters can only take place if we offer these huge personalities the chance to talk back and answer the question themselves. Any information related to the work of the most FAMOUS ARTISTS can share some light into the mind  and give us a different perspective on the human value. Needless to say that the great works are representations of LIFE regardless of a certain political/administrative trend, they portray  the human nature stripped of its artificial clothes, immortalized on canvas so that each time we stand in front of a painting we find answers to the fears we have, to the love we share, to the life we lead. Let's take a few works and see what they could speak about:
- Leonardo da Vinci's Monalisa engulfs the mystery or the struggle to get pass the first impression captivity...
-Van Gogh's Stary night reminds us of a fairytale, a great setting for stories, a realm of dreams and platonic love...
-Salvador Dali's The persistence of time relies on our constant ludic behaviour, frees us from any restraint and sets up a bridge between the facts and the fiction...
-Pablo Picasso's Woman with a fan challenges everything we had known before, forces us to interact with a different dimension of humanity, plays with the already-set patterns, re-creates the essence of colour and light.
Note: All the above are a personal view of the paintings, a game I like to play each time I stand in front of a painting; message decoding...
But isn't it fun, challenging, thrilling, rewarding? What if we start from here the pursuit of happiness? The art museum is a place of freedom and we can't deny this realm no matter how hard life is, no matter how deep the suffering or little the time we have in this world...
What would you answer to the little girl's question?

Free...dom

Finally free!My holiday has just started and I am so happy...I've been waiting for so long and D day is here:)

Photo source

It won't last much, but I am trying to make the best of it.I am not planning any long-distance trip, I am not setting off to a boiling sand and clear water island, but I am at peace and that's rewarding after a long and tiring working year.
So I am now making my imaginary list of to do things during this summer holiday:
-wake up as late as possible and start with a coffee and milk mug whose round stains cover at least 3 of my furniture pieces (I like carrying the mug as a trophy all over the house with me)
-read a few good books
-read my friends posts on their blogs, I missed doing so these last months
-meet my friends, play some cards, have a good laugh and share the freedom moments
-call the friends I can't see these days and check on their own adventures
-re-arrange my house, maybe paint the walls (I feel the need of a more colourful environment :)) go here if you want to check some colours for your rooms
-take long slow-pace walks
-listen to some good music
-turn off the TV and stop hearing the collapse of our  government or the economic crisis
-dream a bit ...black&white or in colours

Being a teacher...

I have been busy lately with my work, lots of things happened in my own life and I just couldn't set my finger on the laptop keys to assemble a coherent story. I have taken part in a series of interviews (in search of creative, dedicated, skillful teachers) and there are a few questions I can't help asking myself and you altogether.
So I want to talk about people attending interviews, not people hoping to get a job as an electrician or plumber, or maybe delivery man...no, I am talking about people wanting to become teachers.
I am really curious what does TEACHER mean to most of us, nowadays. When asked about the reasons for choosing this profession some say it's for the money, some say they are not sure-they just need a job, some say for extra money, some say because they have people skills (the funny things is these so-called knowing-how-to-deal-with-the-others have no coherent speech and no positive attitude themselves).
It has been such a long time since I heard one coming forward and saying I want to be a teacher because I love this profession, because I consider teaching my call in life.
It may sound too pretentious but, in fact, a good teacher needs more than being proficient in English (in this case) and filling the class with papers and books and talking a lot, not listening to his own students and praying for those teaching moments to come to an end so that he/she can finally go home.That's so sad and counterproductive for the entire society.The teacher needs to feel the class, aim for understanding and progress, enjoy when his goals are achieved, be there with his entire self. You just can't  teach-explain some words, some grammar, ask the students to repeat or fill in some exercise and then go home satisfied that you had done your job for the day. That is just ridiculous and tragic at the same time!
Lack of modesty it's another thing making me angry when interviewing the teachers-to-be. They have no idea about the method, sometimes about teaching at all, but if you just try to get a straight answer from them and maybe give them some hints to help them think in the right direction, they feel the urge to convince you it's different, they don't know how, but it must be different from what you  had just said. Some even try to convince you that the nonsense just uttered seconds before was not a lack of knowledge or judgment, it was your inability (as interviewer) to get the deeper meaning of his/her words. And the list could continue...

But the saddest fact is that less and less teachers do their profession  trying to set a series of values, to activate the brain and to make use of feelings not to manipulate into some twisted-mind way, but to use this unique human quality at its best, to aim for understanding ,communication and tolerance and most of all, have his/her students act as a group ;teach them respect and never cease to re-evaluate themselves and have the desire of constant improvement.
Last, but not least,  there is no way a teacher can do his work just on a fixed schedule or number of  working hours. You don't stop being a teacher when the class is finished, because the same values and knowledge are carried in your system all the time... if that is not so, then you are just a good cheater, a magician whose tricks are soon to be revealed and he looked upon as a fake. The society needs teachers, the real ones, because they should be one of the most important oasis of rationality and truth, creativity and open-mindedness, essential for a sane society regardless all forms of development or changes each century carries.
What has happened? Is there something we can do to change all these? How can we reinstate the real values and responsibilities of a teacher?

My dreamland...

 

Saint Ana Monastery, Orsova

I am sure you all dreamed of a wonderful place where all your dreams could come true...
I have my dreamland and I am proud of it...So today I will tell you about it:
When I was a child I used to have this repetitive dream of me standing on the porch of a wooden house, surrounded by tall green trees , the house set on a cliff and me looking down towards the horizon, breathlessly facing the endless waving blue water shoring this place. I was thrilled and I can still remember how vivid those dreams used to be, how full of colors and perfume. That was, I guess, what Frank Sinatra meant when he said "king of the hill"...:) (I love the song, because I have my own New York, hidden deeply in my soul).
A few days back I was driving back home to see my parents; it was a warm sunny day, the road was free and I had a 3-hour thinking-about-everything trip, so, yes, I had a lot of time of talking to myself and it has been a long time since I last did that. Looking through the window shield in front of me I fugitively remembered words, my friends, the last unspoken things, the ones I regretted, the ones I could not take back, or the ones I didn't have the chance to say and it was amazing how much of our life can simply run through the mind in a few seconds, it's even scary how deep everything is stored and how many feelings can resurface the second your mind puts "the finger" on that specific event, person or thing. Of course I remembered my grandfather and I missed him, 1 year since he died and it felt like a day, even worse, I still expected him to come out of the house  and greet me in the doorstep- that hurt....
At some point I entered the road between the hills and I saw the Danube floating along, calm, bright greenish blue, the Serbian hills guarding the Danube on one shore and the Romanian hills on the other, and it's a ravishing view each time I pass this area, it sets the foundation oh my little universe and I finally feel at home.
After 30 years of living I came to understand that a dreamland can be real, it can be found very close to the heart. And as the cherry on top, I went visiting a monastery close to my hometown and I can't say if it's my imagination, but it really resembles the house in my dreams...moving around, listening to the birds, watching the summer entering that place filled me  with real excitement and I was happy for a few moments. I guess that's what life is about, grabbing these few moments, storing them into the heart and resurfacing them each time the dark clouds come above us...

                                               

Storm...in a cup

Rare drops slowly caress the blooming leaf
And birds are nesting soon another season
The windows shut and open fast
As if the world has lost its reason.

The cars still cry on turning corners
And scratch the walls of the locked towers-
-the sounds are stuffed with no remorse
And leaking coffee counts the hours.

The roads are filled with coming joy
With trembling hands and crying babies
There is no pain unveiling face
But there are smiles who die for Maybe-s.

Talking silence

Silence?! I have been thinking a lot about silence these days...especially because it was Easter time and maybe the Resurrection had a powerful impact on all of us (Christians). I am not a church-goer but I went there on  Easter Eve and I had that rare-moment feeling that I am not alone, that I can look into a stranger's eyes and see compassion, acceptance, maybe friendliness. It was funny because we find it natural to fear the strangers, to see a potential evil mind/intention in them, rather than expecting a helping hand or a non-profit willingness.
It's the  modern times curse, I guess, it's the high number of people living in big cities without actually knowing each other.
But there are moments (like this) when we don't need to say anything, to prove anything and to look into each others eyes without embarrassment, without fearing to be seen as an awkward attitude. And all that is done in perfect silence, no one has to say anything, just the eyes and hands make the whole picture, just like the pieces of a puzzle that we can re-arrange into a message.
But after a few days everything comes back to normal the way it was...the buses are too crowded and each time we touch somebody's hand we immediately back out, infuriated by the lack of intimacy, the queues for a coffee or a  hamburger in a fast-food make us nervous, because sometimes we have to stick too close to somebody else, even waiting at the red traffic light can force us to see the face behind the steering wheel and the most frustrating thing is humanizing the others, having to acknowledge the existence of pain, sufferings, happiness and life outside our inner circle.There is no greater pain or happiness than our own...That is why I guess we are stressed, unfulfilled, frustrated, unmotivated.
I miss the sound of silence (= peace of mind, stillness,lack of hazardous fears and ability to be happy just because) when reading a book, when drinking a coffee with my friends, when contemplating the clouds show, the laughter of children playing or the face of my loved-ones. I know I lost the skills of being happy just- because and I am struggling to get them back.
There are two types of invitations I am going to make hoping like this I can offer you a taking-off track for the lost dreams and lack of daring powers:
-find a bit of time and read  The book of tells, Peter Collett
-watch a wonderful  pantomime show

Music in/is teaching

I am now listening to a great radio station, Romantic Fm , actually my favorite category is Romantic Fresh; great music to my ears...Micatone-Handbrake and while I was typing it got changed into some Asian song that dropped a smile on my lips...innocent, sweet, modern and classic at the same time- worth listening.

Music has always been a part of my life, it has changed shape just like myself, it has cried, smiled, wondered and lost hope, then again it rose and sharpened or softened according to the mood, it has even disappeared from the stage for a while...There have been times when I thought waking up and going to sleep with music could only be a teenager timetable, not a mature person's one.But I was so wrong...I realized that music (good one I am talking about-the quality and the talent that saps the lyrics and sound) can offer us redemption in a world where there is no much soul-wise reflection and where people seem lost and scared most of the time.
Then I also noticed that I work better with music, I can plan great lessons and then I have constantly used music in my classes not only to practice some skills, but to "animate" my students, as class management so to speak.
Why is music very that important in teaching? I would be curious to hear what your opinion is- if you think is important or maybe you consider it a "waste of time"...
I can simply assure you I experienced great moments among my students, I saw shy or introvert people ('cause I work with adults) becoming "somebody else" when listening to a great voice, noticed the nostalgia in their eyes when I played Beatles or Leonard Cohen, or ABBA...Secondly these great artists composed clear music- that is the one students can understand and follow throughout the entire song.It's like catching two birds with one stone- entertainment and apprehension.
Then, feeling the music (in a wider sense) is a quality that any teacher should posses, meaning any teacher should feel the student/s , tune his own style and methods of teaching in order to achieve real and long-term understanding of the language.
Music is more than a word , it's a phenomenon that's still under discovery by musicians themselves, philosophers, writers, scientists.That's why is fascinating...it can shape its meaning according to the context or purpose. As written in the definition the word derives from the Greek  mousikê (tekhnê),it actually says the Muse, the inspiration -and don't we, teachers need that sometimes? Some scientists talk about the music as a language or a treatment, some refer to it as a marked-based, problem-solving method such as mathematics.
I think is always a great challenge to find the tune and have my students sing along, together as a group.
What would you make of music in teaching and in your lives?

Just another day ...A fun day

What would a fun day look like for you?
It all started after planning an activity for some students.They were asked to fill in a timetable of a day when they only do leisure activities, when they are allowed to HAVE FUN the entire day.
What was the big discovery? Me and my colleague teacher observed that our students timetables were filled with exotic places, creative nature spots and lots of shopping-wise intentions, while our timetables read: "having coffee, sleeping, meeting a friend, relaxing":)
That got me thinking how little we needed to be happy or relaxed, how insignificant actions valued so much for us. And then I remembered once a trainer talked about "tasks or goals prioritizing" and I learned that by means of such a simple task we can actually understand the others better. Basically a simple exercise told so many about the others' goals, style of life, values and dreams.
Try and do this by yourselves:

Now that I have more time to think I tried to imagine a more thorough description of my fun day. So here it is:
08:00- I wake up, it's sunny and warm, a feel somebody close to my heart breathing next to me and I smile
09:00- I finally have my flavored coffee in my small kitchen, looking outside the window, watching the same pigeons that found shelter on the nearby tree: a wonderful acacia hooding my window. 
10:00- I go strolling in the forest and then, why not, have a great picnic (with lots of friends if possible)
15:00 - I go back home, lie down and read a bit just to set the climax for an afternoon nap...
17:00 - ( I am sure I can't prolong the nap enough for a too-busy-person as I can call myself, but I am allowed to dream, aren't I?) There I am ready to go out, see a film, move around...
20:00- Romantic dinner with my husband at the fanciest restaurant in town (Now she comes to her senses, you might say...)
22:00- Still wandering the streets in a summer night, a full moon and a sea of stars waving over us as if the night  had been set on fire and its warriors inhabiting  invisible chariots are now set free in the world...

...and all that should not happen far, but in my Town. Exotic? Not necessarily long distanced, but rather warm and friendly close to the heart.Extreme? Not really bungee jumping, but rather warming up  the same bench, smiling for the same reason, kissing like never before...Entertaining? I let you find the definition for that...

Spring is in the air...

Shouldn't we feel reinvigorated and ready to conquer the world, now that it's a new spring in our lives?
Spring is here, the slow chilly wind still whispers the remains of the winter, but all these Spring Events (Martisor, Mother's Day), the chirps of the birds, the sun rays knocking timidly the windows and human faces can only share that new-life air we are all in search of. But, then, why do I feel so tired?Why is it that, whenever spring comes, my body fails me and asks more and more for sleep and recovery (like from a long disease)?
So many women's magazines and health articles tell us to eat vegetables, go jogging and forget about the problems...but it isn't that easy, is it?
So I must "ingurgitate" Spring my own way, slowly get used to this and start living just like the others.So here is how I do it:
- I open my eyes and I see there is more light on my pillow than it has ever been (for the past 3 months)
- My coffee smells better even though I bought a cheaper one this time
- It suddenly hits me that I haven't met my friends in a long time and I should consider doing it
- I juggle between being a woman (...flowers are on the way...) and being an employee (...so much work overwhelms me sometimes)
- I read a great book (to keep up the spirits)...just like I can't get enough of SISTER (Rosamund Lupton)-I think this is the perfect time of year when this book should be read, so that one can understand the joys and the chills of the book by sharing the season with the author.It's like an audio book, one reads and the sound it's just outside one's own window, there is snow, and sleet and spring all together...
- I clean the house-this is what's making me feel secure and neat ( a poor struggle to bring these adjectives into my own life)

-I call my family (I miss them more than ever, spring gives it the lost and abandoned shade)and try to make them happy, see them smile and hoping and strong, yelling for those security strings they used to pull in my life.
-I buy presents for my loved-ones
-I dream of long strolls in the streets and ready to swallow the blossomed trees flavour, until the soothing balm of the air gets into my veins and gives me strength to wake up and walk the next day.
-I write (here) as if you reading it can actually bring back the sense of belonging to humanity and force open 21st Century Pandora's box (wonder what can be hidden inside).
-I become...

P.S. Spring is not my favourite season, but it gets me contemplating, maybe even seeing things clearly, so I should thank IT for triggering all that in a woman's mind, shouldn't I? (It definitely beats the high-scores of "how to live..." type of articles)

Orality of the written language

How oral can written language be? This was the question that arose when re-thinking ways of planning my lesson on Words.Moreover, deciding what grammar activities I should involve my students in when dealing with this kind of topic, was indeed a challenge for me. I have just "visited" Scott Thornbury's blog and while reading the post another problem struck me: "How to set creative automaticity on a written language-based lesson?"
So I thought of some simple tricks that we can use in order to have the students speak and write but never lose the "conversational stream" they are meant to follow.
One activity was based on the difference and the usage of OLD/NEW English words.Basically this topic allows us to teach the English chunks, the collocations or idioms that actually represent the basis of easily learning useful expressions. Understanding how collocations function helps the students use them later on in their conversations.I also presented a series of new words that have been introduced in the language in the last decade.Making the presentation "attractive" only requires a funny betting game:
-you need one student to be the auctioneer (he shows the words and asks for the highest bet) and the rest of the students form two groups.They try to guess the meaning and they need to make a logical sentence with that word after they had already won the auction of that word.If the group that offered more money doesn't solve the task, the other group has the chance and, if they know, they become the winners of the auction.
In contrast with the new words, I created a quiz based on the Shakespearean language that entertained them greatly(they had to guess the meaning of the words). As a follow-up,on sheets of paper I wrote samples of dialogues that they had to transform into old English by replacing the underlined words with their old/archaic replicas. It seemed fun and, hearing themselves pronouncing those lines, offered them the pleasure of testing"live" these ancient flavors.
But the greatest challenge of all was to teach the functionality of letter language by "discussing" the letter in stead of writing it. Of course you need to also write a letter but that should be a home-to-do task, so that you can work on their own ideas and written text.
What I did was to cut out extras-es from their letters, fold them and mix them in a bowl.Then I asked the students to pick them one by one and make sure it is not their own letter extras. The 2 requirements were:
- read the extras and decide what type of letter it is (letter of complaint, invitation letter, cover letter,etc)
- and guess the author of the letter.
Using a series of conversational cards (letter composing tasks) the students had to "orally" create the main body of the letters. This was a role-play that had my students actually "speak" the letter instead of writing it.
The success was not only on conversational basis but , by having them "talk the written language", I realized they actually selected from the written letters those expressions that made them sound "writtenish"; they repetitively used "I am looking forward to seeing you", "I am writing you on the behalf of...", "I need to remind you", "I can't find myself in the position of...", "My enclosed resume..." although they had never used them before when leading a complaint/requirement conversational task.
In conclusion, if we want our students to learn the structures mainly found in written language we might sometimes step away from the classical written/reading practice and try a "conversational" approach.It can actually work vice-versa for the oral structures- have them compose their task-based dialogues and then ask them to act out in front of the class.
Moreover, why not trying planning a lesson on "story markers"(starters or linkers) that the students need to act out as a part of their conversational exercises.For example, Ale will like this :), cut out Cinderella's lines from the story and make the students use those lines as logically as possible in a customer-shop clerk discussion (complaining, refusing). Or using "descriptions" from famous novels for a "talk about my family" activity.
Even though it might be viewed as an inappropriate usage of written language, considering the experimental values, this tasks can build the students apprehension of the language, by raising awarenesses; to complete the task, the students need to learn these structures and fully understand their meaning in order to re-formulate and use them into real-time conversations.

Ode to eslprintables...

                            The first sun rays after such a long winter...Today I received a message from a "colleague" of mine; Croatian, a few funny lines and complimenting each other for the printables uploaded on eslprintables and it got me thinking.

 I knew nothing about this person, but I had an awkward feeling of having known her since...forever.And then (maybe because of the upcoming spring ) I felt I belong to a good world, I knew there is hope and creativity around, that in this globalised realm we are somehow connected through our interests. English teachers all over the world share ideas and ask for advice...I often picture myself inhabiting this site as if in old times only the rich could attend fancy balls.Here everyone needs to show his/her best, or at least tries and everyone actually benefits from this continuous struggle/pleasure to come up with great/innovative ideas.
Moreover I meet my own close friends and I find it funny to search for their own works.It has become a habit already.Wake up early in the morning, wish my husband a good day, inhale the steamy flavor of my coffee and there I am in front of the computer, scrolling down the free printables list of the day...checking for my unknown friends as if reading my best friend's journal.
How wonderful it is to be an English teacher! ( I say , pack my materials and run for work).
                         Sometimes I am grateful to know so many enthusiastic and creative teachers, God, I am surrounded by them :), so even though we suffered so many days of terrible cold, even though we might get soaking wet standing and teaching during the hot summer days, we have each other and we do have a lot of fun.
So this is the bright side of being an English teacher, you get to know "beautiful minds" and you learn how to make your student's days brighter...What more could we wish for?
And one of these "beautiful minds" says : "Look there is fog again!" ....
... I guess spring is postponing her visit...

Great expectations...

200 years...so much has changed, so much has stood still and if we look back we realize that we suffer the same; the world's issues are basically the same if we follow an individual approach, but so different from a political point of view. There was no much of technology, no Ipods to wish for, no virtual girls/boys to run after or even fall in love. Misery was at its peak, "hard times" were blackening people's hearts, poverty was the main theme song of that era...isn't it the same now?
Looking back, we realize how "present" Dickens is in our lives, how vivid his topics are.
It's funny that suffering is strongly revealed when suffering out of love, when searching deep inside and realize that the real values of life are Honesty, Love, Respect, Tolerance, the exact values each era should fight for,because no great technological achieves can overpower these four moral pylons.
In 2 hundred years we have tried to evolve, transform into a superior species, but I doubt this is what we are now. Watching a TV series I caught a nice line: " There is no honor among thieves" and I guess that says it all.

We forgot all the principles that had us evolving, we run for THINGS, we no longer run for SOMETHING.We are so afraid of the now-coming Apocalypse exactly because we have no faith, nothing spiritual to hang to, not a solid one at least.We are lost between "ways of finding God" when actually all we need to do is believe He is out there  watching down on us.
We should be more concerned on how to show respect our fellow humans and how to say "sorry" when  stepping on someone's shoe, try not to hit an old lady when jumping off the bus, remember our parents' birthdays, give a nice present just to make someone's day better,and don't be afraid to say "I love you" while looking that person in the eyes...
Pip' story says a lot about friendship and honesty, the inside message should be seen like the power of rewarding a nice word, a helping hand or a good advice, remember the Good and forget the Bad, and isn't this the cornerstone of all religions?
I sincerely believe that we can survive if we learn a bit from our own history, if we revalue the entire corpus of aspirations and plans... everyone agrees there is a lot of violence in our 21th Century, but if we don't change who we are, what sort of example will we be for our own children? And the power of example is the one that can make our young generation fight for something better by respecting the wisdom of the past.
What past? Dickens is part of our world's wisdom, a sort of an ancient Wikipedia for the topic "Life".

What's in a name...?

                 Are names important while planning a lesson?Do they increase the value of a role when students are asked to impersonate some character?
I was reading a book and one of the characters' name was Aurora (Rory) and it struck me how unusual that sounded in that context.I was just wondering if there is something in our brain that matches the names with certain features that people might or might not posses. And then I just initiated a little game:
Helen- Greek long dress, black long hair, very strong, active but innocent at the same time
Tina- some common, pragmatic,out-going person, no special features (that's why I had used this name so many times in my role-plays)
Tom- handsome, sociable, no-stress guy, intelligent, but no genius
Jack- square jaw, bony face, thin and tall, powerful, sometimes dangerous
Fiona- I loved this name the second I  heard it- It sounds to me like something delicate, big brown/blue eyes,   silky dress, long, floating when walking, usually hiding a secret
Hillary- big, powerful, grandma big-foot "style", sociable and extremely talkative, doing everything for the loved ones, always smiling
I know there are so many psychological,  sociological or even semantic analysis on the features or functions of names, not to speak about the religious implications of baptizing a child with a saint's name.
I don't posses enough knowledge on this matter, but I still think that choosing the right names for the characters our students need to "become" during the lessons can have a very good impact on their response to the task.
I actually noticed that when they were about to choose one situation they were selecting certain names and they were "rejecting" others because in their mind those names could have impinged upon their image among their colleagues.

So taking this detail into consideration while planning a role-play might be useful.I try to avoid their own names (sometimes for ESL teachers is easier because our students do not have English names) and I also try to follow my instinct into "guessing" what would be the name suitable for them. And it works- most of the time.
Then a good idea would be to try the exercise during the class: have them see some pictures (maybe imagine the police department where witnesses are asked to flip through a pile of photos or albums and find the "guilty one" ) then your students should "profile" those people by using a set of adjectives, then try and "guess" these people's daily routine, maybe flaws and qualities or "darkest secret", re-create their  life.
As a follow-up you can practice expressing opinion by having them analyze the Shakespearian famous quote 
"  What's in a name? that which we call a rose
    By any other name would smell as sweet;" 
referring to the meaning and the value of a name.Is the name a reflexion of one self or the essence is all the same even if changing the label/word/name given to that specific thing or person.
I fancy a lot this subject and I think the NAME is a very important coordinate of our lives, even though we don't stop and reflect on it, but we respond to this stimulus when meeting a person. I am sure the name of that person has an impact on our first impression and it influences our judgments when thinking or speaking about that man/woman. If that is true, then my question would be: Should we know more about this when choosing our own child's name? If the name influences others' opinions, do they also have an impact when attending an interview or closing a deal?
Everyone admits that good looks can help people get a good job, but does the name have such an effect?
Just imagine you are going to a blind date, but you find out three names of the future candidates:  John, Mark and Dick... Which one would you leave out?Which one would be your choice?
Would you meet Trixton, Kaydinn or Kawner? 

New year...every year

Happy New Year everyone!
It's funny to remember all the previous 1st of Januaries... all start with new hopes, new dreams and a strong will to change everything that I have been wanting to change for such a long time.We all dream of something better, something that can offer us the basic needs, love and comfort.
While enlisting all my 2012 to- do things I realized this is the end of the world... I found a site where some crazy people started counting backwards our days on Earth, I could actually see that I have 355 days, I don't know how many days and hours left. Incredible! In the last years I have witnessed the End so many times that I got tired. And why should we be so afraid? If the End comes we all die, and...? Nothing after.
If we are to discuss about the End of the World I guess this should be considered more of a subjective topic, because for me, losing my family, going to my dear ones funerals, losing their warmth and strength is much more dramatic than a generic empty notion that is The End of the World, and I guess I am not the only one.
So, instead of losing hope and cutting loose all the despair in the world, we should be happy and make a long to-do list. Even if 10% of that happens I would be happy, because it means I lived for something and something good happened in my life, each year is different, each year changes something in our souls and the reason they are important is because they belong to us. 1900 has never belonged to me, it hasn't altered my life in any ways because I was not then, but it was a crucial year for my great-grandmother : she was born that year...
We are the ones inhabiting 21st Century and each January is a new beginning. It might be a sad year, but as long as it can be a good one we should hope and dream, fight for the right to be happy and free.
So this is my wish for you all: May you live your life happily and May you find strength and faith to follow your dreams and never give up!
Happy 2012-   And a wonderful life to all the babies born on 1st of January!