But now it's different, now I am in a different stage of my life and, as all mothers say, I am in the happiest stage of my life. And I do have dreams and I also have nightmares: "what if" is the common question for my nights. I tried picturing myself in the hospital theater, thinking how I will hear the doctors speaking about the pregnancy , about me, discussing what they see (????!!!!!), me, half-asleep there listening, not replying... then I try to picture them (what will they look like, will they be safe and sound?), then me in bed waiting to see if I can move, some strangers surrounding me, washing me, voices, laughter, cries.... this must be the hospital atmosphere... and this is what runs through my mind all these nights.
But the good parts- because there are good parts too- revolve mainly around the free time I haven't had in such a long time and a sort of time-out I was longing for.It's nice to have time for yourself, to think a bit longer and maybe ask yourself questions...it is a good exercise and it can reveal many unsolved or unanswered issues. There have been a few interesting things I discovered: human nature is a continuous mystery and the more you try to understand some people the faster you will fail in your attempt, because we are that different...there are always things that one's mind cannot understand or accept about his fellow human (there are sometimes miles away and basic differences that cannot help us into understanding), so we have to let go and live without interfering...that's the conclusion I came to.Another thing: friendship is very important, and even if the older we get the more we refuse that noisy partying atmosphere among friends, we all need to know, at least, that we have, out there in the world, some people we can rely on, some people we think love us and trust us and would come for our help when needed. It is true that true friends are so few and so hard to find, but we need to have these few people in our lives...
I started reading a very interesting book Andrei Plesu, Parabolele lui Iisus, I would recommend it to anyone interested in a wonderfully-written analysis of the biblical sayings, a more philosophical approach, far away from the crappy no-name explanations we have been used to lately.
I could also watch (a simple coincidence with the book genre) a wonderful film Beyond the hills. It has everything: drama, love, deep analysis of the soul, simple and professional acting, keeps you present, the sort of image and idea you need to come back to and ask yourself questions, the basic definition of a good film.
I listen to a lot of music...classical, dance, reggae and it makes me happy...
I am planning on working some teaching materials and when I have some good ones I will share them with you.
Until next time, have a good and peaceful life!
